A lot on my mind...

Where do I begin today? I want to write about so many things...my American dream, my friends and the dilemma of trying to do things my way! Well about my American dream... it began about five to six years ago, on the roof top of my dental school dorm in India. It began out of the spirit of rebellion against the system which put so many restrictions and did not let us be! Little did we know what that dream entailed.... When I think of its inception I can't but laugh at our naivety. Ah the follies of a young heart! America did bring out the best and worst in me, it brought me out of the wonderland I was in. I before I banter on about what all it taught me about relationships I will put a stop to it. (Will come back to it someday, when i'm not so disappointed in them.) Well wanting to get into a dental school here in US has been what I have been pursing blindly for the last two and a half years now, along with that juggling a MBA! And when its the third time you get into a great school and still aren't sure if you will be there this summer it is like..........well a very rude joke!

I can't help but laugh....and in case you are wondering why am I laughing? I'm laughing at my helplessness and the irony of the situation. In India I used to think, I can make anything happen and once I get to Umrika there will be nothing holding me back. (yes yes .....)

Sometimes I wonder if my wanting this is so bad is unreasonable! Self doubt is a dangerous thing .... it grows on you like a virus...I'm trying to stay away from it as much as possible!

Oh well third time is a charm... let it be for me as well!

About my friends...well I don't really know why people behave the way they do! More on that later....

Another day in Paradise!

I'm back! You must be wondering why? No ulterior motive haha... Back from a real fun trip. I was practically kidnapped by my sister and bro-in-law on a trip to the Luray valley in Virgina. Inspite of my outright refusal to go with them, their pure enthusiasm and determination to get me out of my crabbiness won! Not that I'm allergic to fun, its just that the circumstances are rather peculiar. There is this constant voice at the back of my head, which accompanies me everywhere. It goes like "will I or will I not? If I do, will it be the right decision? If not, what do I do with my life?" Its a kill joy believe me! I wont really talk about it today. The limestone caves were fun, reminded me of Baratang caves in Andaman and Nicobar. Those were my first limestone caves. It was wonderful how there was no T-Mobil signal in the valley. It was so peaceful there. I almost wished for a few minutes about getting lost there somewhere. Spending the rest of my life as a farm gurl! Some thought. And it was very tempting for almost 5 minutes. On our was back we stopped at the Baltimore harbor. How I love the ocean and the mysteries it holds, it sure brings out the best in me. It was a great trip all in all, only if I could press a stop button.......